The Funniest Musician Jokes Ever Told [PART 1]

Here’s the text for all the above jokes, in case some of them stuck in your mind. Why scrolling up? Musicians’ fingers are priceless…

  1. There Were Two People Walking Down The Street. One Was A Musician.
    The Other Didn”T Have Money Either.
  2. What Would A Musician Do If He Won A Million Dollars?
    Continue To Play Gigs Until The Money Ran Out.
  3. What Do You Call Two Guitarists Playing In Unison?
  4. What’s The First Thing A Bass Player Says When He Knocks On Your Door?
    “Pizza Delivery!”
  5. What’s The Definition Of A Minor Second Interval?
    Two Sax Players Reading Off The Same Part.
  6. What Will You Never Say About A Banjo Player?
    “That’s The Banjo Player’s Porsche.”
  7. How Do You Get A Violist To Play Something ‘Pianissimo Tremolando’?
    Mark It Solo.
  8. Why Are Viola Jokes So Short?
    So Violinists Can Understand Them.
  9. What’s The Similarity Between A Drummer And A Philosopher?
    They Both Perceive Time As An Abstract Concept.
  10. Why Are Pianists’ Fingers Like Lightning?
    They Rarely Strike The Same Place Twice.
  11. How Many Organists Does It Take To Change A Lightbulb?
    Two. One To Change The Bulb And One To Complain That The Switch Doesn’t Have Any Combination Pistons.
  12. Why Would Anybody Want To Be On The Last Chair In The Flute Section?
    To Keep The Oboe Player Company
    13.Why Is Playing An English Horn Solo Like Wetting Your Pants?
    Both Give You A Warm Feeling But No One Cares.
  13. What Is The Difference Between The Sound Of A Clarinet And A Cat In Heat?
    Nothing If The Cat Is Healthy.
  14. What Is Another Difference Between An Alto Sax And A Lawnmower?
  15. How Do You Insult A Saxophone Player?
    Call Him A Bassoonist.
  16. How Do You Know When A French Horn Player Is At Your Door?
    The Doorbell Drags.
  17. How Do You Know When A Soprano’s At Your Door
    She Can’t Find Her Key And She Doesn’t Know When To Come In.
  18. How Many Basses Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?
    It Alternates Between One And Five.
  19. A Young Child Returned From His First Music Lesson On The Tuba.
    “How Did It Go?” Asked His Father.
    “Great,” Said The Child. “I Learned How To Play A ‘C’.”
    The Next Week The Child Took Another Lesson And His Father Asked About The Lesson.
    “Terrific,” Said The Child. “I Learned How To Play A ‘G’.”
    The Following Week The Child Didn’t Come Home. The Father Was Frantic With Worry When The Child Didn’t Come Home Until 2:00 Am.
    “Where In Heck Have You Been,” Shouted The Father.
    “I Had A Gig!!” Answered The Son.
  20. What Is The Difference Between A Trombone And A Chainsaw?
    It’s Still Easier To Improvize On A Chainsaw.
  21. A String Quartet Is Composed Of The Following:
    One Good Violinist.
    One Bad Violinist.
    One Really Bad Violinist Who Felt More Comfortable On Viola.
    One Cellist Who Hates All Violinists.
  22. What Is The Definition Of A Cluster Chord?
    The 2nd Violins All Playing On A ‘C’.
  23. What Happened To The Guy Who Fell Through A Harp?
    He Is In The Hospital. Rooms 25 To 40.
  24. How Does A Young Man Become A Member Of A High School Chorus?
    On The First Day Of School He Enters The Wrong Classroom.