The contemporary dating scene might, at times, resemble TS Eliot’s wasteland or, worse, a post-apocalyptic landscape punctuated by primeval beings who shy away from light. Apps like Tinder, Hinge, Happn, OkCupid et al. have been designed to help our poor unfortunate souls navigate this waters full of piranhas and snares, but to little, or no, avail. The dating scene has become so bizarre lately that there are a plethora of web series dedicated to the topic.
Sometimes, meeting a completely unhinged Tinder date at a random bar makes you feel like a character of a dark comedy, doesn’t it?
That’s when we come to your help, and kindly and pressingly suggest you try dating a Classical musician. Here is why:
1. They have endurance
Concertos, symphonies, recitals and operas can last up to several hours: whether your potential match made in heaven is part of the orchestra or is singing a heartfelt Romanza, they need constant focus for the whole duration of the performance. This means that, when they commit to something, they stick to the same high standards they have when they perform.
2. They are passionate
Ultimately, they are utterly devoted to their art and to paying homage to composers that they have been revering for years. They have gone through (sometimes grueling) private lessons as children, studied all the way through the conservatory and moonlighted for years while, at the time, getting their feet wet while playing in an orchestra. They have their priorities and will do anything to achieve their goals.
3. They are low-maintenance
Sometimes, they travel for months, with little luggage and not an unlimited expense account: that’s the price they pay for seeing and performing at all the corners of the world. And that’s worth it. Do you really want to spend your quality time with someone who can’t stand not finding fancy restaurants, who complains it’s too hot outside or needs hours to plan what to wear for a night?
4. They’re Adaptable
Due to their extremely dynamic lives and to their multi-faceted repertoire they are prone to making new friends and new memories. Bach on Wednesday and Stravinsky on Thursday? Sounds like a plan. Do they need to fill in last minute in an orchestra where they barely know the dynamics and power plays? No problem. Would they want to explore the hometown of one of their fellow orchestra members while also getting acquainted with their friends? Why not? A classical musician is pretty adaptable, so no need for you to worry for when you have to introduce him or her to your friends (or family).
5. They’re confident
They don’t need extensive grooming (or makeup), a fastidious hair routine and they don’t even bother with the latest fashion pieces. They just wear a discreet suit or an ever-flattering little black dress and they’re ready to go. They don’t care about how they look when they have to execute a vibrato or a pizzicato to perfection. They want to please their audience, and, possibly, have a good time too.
6. They have good taste in music
This is pretty straightforward but let us explain further: during, say, a romantic night, a classical musician will come up with a soundtrack that is more creative than Ravel’s Bolero played on repeat or the 50 Shades of Grey Classical pieces. Your tastes in music might not match, but he or she will be able to go on in great detail about how Rachmaninoff’s compositions influenced popular music or illustrate the gematric references that punctuate Bach’s work. That’s a winner for us!
7. You don’t know which classical musician is good for you? Try to date a flutist
They can use their hands and their mouth at the same time: that’s pretty self-explanatory.